let's get spiritual..

   First things first. I'm not a religious gal. I don't go to church every Sunday. I was baptized catholic. I've played in the minors with that but never went pro. I've walked the Pagan path and the Wiccan path. I believe in Jesus but also hold my "alternative" beliefs very close to my heart. My point is...it is ALL relevant. Every faith that exists, that brings you closer to your inner peace, has merit. I've said many times that I don't care if a person worships a pack of ketchup. If they get on their knees EVERYDAY and pray to that pack of ketchup. If doing this makes them a better person and brings them peace...it's all good. I believe this viewpoint allows me to understand, help and BE helped by other people. The total lack of judgment one a persons spiritual journey. This is my wish for others. That they become secure enough in their own choices, their own path, that they can accept the same in others. As they say..And it harm none, do thy will.

Much love to you.
Blessed be.

Wish I knew then..

   Given my experiences in this field, the situations I've been in and the effect similar situations have had on friends of mine, I felt it necessary to address what to do after investigations. I don't claim to be an expert. Far from it. It is important that we all remember that there are no experts when it comes to the paranormal. What I can claim is that I have made mistakes. Lots of them. More than once. It's because of these mistakes that I have the knowledge I do, and I hope sharing it will save others from suffering the way I have.
   1) The most important thing is to remember to take care of YOU. You can't continue in this field, one you probably love or you wouldn't do it, if you neglect yourself. Bring food on investigations. Protein bars. Water. Juice. Anything that will nourish and hydrate.
   2) Carry something to ground you. A stone, charm, picture...anything that brings you back to center. It is VERY easy to lose yourself, and very dangerous.
   3) NEVER go alone to investigate. Granted, 99% of the time you will be fine, but all it takes is that 1%.
   4) Be with people you trust who KNOW YOU. Who know what to look for. If at any time it becomes too much, trust them to pull you back.
   5) Smudge afterwards as soon as possible. Not only will this release any possible residual effect spirits have on you, it will keep them (in most cases) from following you home.
   I realize, in the grand scheme of things, these may seem silly and over cautious, but it has become my motto to be "better safe than sorry."
   I pass this on with a loving heart. I pray that all who choose to do this realize their importance to the field and the need to keep discovering, growing and bringing enlightenment. Much love to you all!

Claircognizant...

   I learned something new today and thought I would share with y'all. I have always struggled with any types of labels placed on me because they honestly didn't feel right. Psychic, medium, sensitive...they all sound good... but to me the seemed like "Buzz Words". I hate those. Anyway...I came across an article that truly fit me and described me in a way that felt comfortable.
   Claircognizant. Weird sounding word...but I like it. It simply means "clear knowing". That is EXACTLY how I would describe what I do. I have the other "Clair's", too, with the clairvoyant being my weakest one. Claircognizant explains so much. I do "just know things". Sometimes it IS someone else in my head telling me things (clairaudiant)...and, yes, sometimes I "see" things and "smell" things too. Hell...I actually feel things as well, but mostly, I "just know". Somehow this knowledge brought me comfort and I thought I would share it so that others who had wondered about themselves might have an answer. 😊

Not a 1 way ticket.

   I realize I'm probably going to piss some people off with this but, honestly, I'm OK with that. I would like to discuss spirits and our interaction with the. Specifically loved ones that have passed on. I spoke with the sweetest couple the other day on this subject and I found myself getting very angry over what they had been told. I can't imagine telling someone they must tell a loved one goodbye because they are "holding them here". Grrrrrr. Bullshit.
   Has it occurred to anyone that it isn't a one way highway to heaven? A soul cannot be contained outside the confines of a body. If even then. You can talk to your loved ones. With luck and an open mind you can hear them answer.
   It really annoys me when people try to puff up their own image and feelings of self-importance by telling others this. I admit, this was my first belief as well, but I grew up. I evolved. I realized that a spirit can move about and interact. They can travel. They still have a purpose!
   I will write more on this later. Right now I'm still just too pissed about how alone this "medium" made my friends wife feel with their misguided need to feel superior. Their belief they had to bring closure. The only thing they accomplished was making a woman believe she had no right to speak with a loved one who will forever watch over her.
 
 

Odd One Out

   I would have to say this is, by far, my hardest blog to post. I will do so for one reason and one reason only, the fact that it may help someone.
   I spend the majority of my days just going through the motions.  Putting on a happy face and trying to act as if nothing is bothering me. This is very hard. I don't think people truly understand how hard. My only comfort is coming home and being with those who truly understand me.
   How do you go to work and explain to people you can't sleep cause of what you see and hear when you close your eyes? How do you explain the images you're compelled to draw just so you can have some peace? When you've tried to open up in the past it's turned you into a sideshow freak? You answer questions cause you have to just to be accepted. Then you get the stares cause you know too much.
   My only reprieve is home, and the friends I've made in other paranormal communities. The first understands and accepts me. The second, well...I  can atleast try to help. I know this sounds like a big pity party, but it's not. I just want others to know these feelings are normal. We're not weird. We have a purpose.
   And I want everyone else to know that what we do comes at a cost. One we are more than willing to pay. So please be kind in your judgement.  We do care what you think whether we admit it or not.

past lives

   I was very glad to see a topic brought up today on facebook. One that deserves further discussion.  It was a question of past lives.  Do we believe that people have them or do we take the safe route and convince ourselves that we have only one existence?  I'm hoping to further the discussion by sharing one memory I have that I know proves, atleast to me, that many if us have lived before.
   About 10 years ago I began to meditate. I wanted to fully understand the expansion of the gifts I'd had since childhood and this was a way to do that, I'd been told. I went through the motions of preparing myself and the area in which I was to try this. I followed the instructions to a "T" and could feel myself relaxing as I lay down to begin the count. It was surprisingly easy, considering this was my first time to try it. I could feel myself start to float as I saw the 7 chakras pass before my eyes in their assigned colors.  It was eerie and peaceful at the same time. I am uncertain how long I floated this way.  Minutes or hours, either could be the case. Then everything changed.
   I was shocked, at first, to feel the damp grass under my feet. It was dark outside. As dark as dark could be, but I wasn't scared. I could hear laughter. It was coming from me as I was running through the grass. I had long blonde hair that had come loose from the dark green hooded cloak I wore. I could feel the material of my blouse on my skin. Slightly rough. I think there used to be a material called "lawn"...but I'm not sure if that name is correct.  My long skirt whipped around my ankles as I ran. I felt so free. I wasn't even afraid of the voices i could hear behind me. They were a mix of male and female, so in my young mind, I thought I was safe. I looked back as the voices grew louder and felt the first shiver of fear. These people were not running with me...they were charging AT me.
   I sped up hoping I could outrun them. At that moment the moon came out from behind the clouds, illuminating a tree that was dead in the middle of my path. The long low hanging branch had a large knot on it that I saw a second too late. My forehead slammed into the knot, throwing me back on the ground. I came to standing about 20 feet away...and watched as the group of people hung me from the very tree that I had ran into. I'm uncertain as to how I was able to view my own death this way, but it happened.
   I came out of my meditation crying. My head hurt in the exact spot where I hit. To this day I cannot handle anyone touching my throat and I am especially sensitive to spirits who died by hanging. Anyway....that is my story of that life. Please feel free to comment and share yours!

Fate...

   I plan on getting all kinds of mushy, romantic and magical on ya, so hear me out. I have reason for telling this...promise!
   Since I've spent most of my blogs telling about the harder parts of a mystical life I figured it was time to give a more pleasant example of it.
   You see...I found myself single after being married for 10 yrs. I had the firm belief that this was going to be my lot in life and I had come to terms with it. Was happy, even. I traveled some. Did things how I wanted. Dated off and on when the time was right. None of this bothered me and I felt fulfilled with how things were going. A very dear friend of mine wanted to set me up with someone she felt was "perfect" for me. I declined, time and time again, without ever seeing or meeting him. I'm not really sure why. I was dating. I wasn't celibate.  I just kept saying no.
   Apparently I took too long for the fates and they chose to intervene.
   You see...we were planning another trip to New Orleans, this same friend and I. I had someone I was going to see when we went down there. A musician I had met on the previous trip and had stayed in contact with. I had no desire to change those plans. My friends and I were going to the True Blood Ball the day before Halloween on this trip. I had my gown bought and paid for.  I'm still uncertain what happened. Why things changed. But they did and my life was changed for  the better. Forever.
   About 2 weeks before we were to leave, I  woke up with the strangest feeling. Almost on auto pilot I contacted the man in New Orleans and told him I was seeing someone and would be unable to visit.  He was taken aback, but accepted what I said. That same day I took my gown back to the store for a refund. I took that money and bought what I needed to make a costume.  A black angel. After I made it I got a call from my friend who was going with me letting me know that the fella she wanted to set me up with was going with the group as well.  I was bothered by the news, but didn't really know why, since we had never met. Anyway...I put it in the back of my mind and continued to plan my portion of the trip.
   When the day came that we were to leave, I met Jason for the first time. Our first day there he walked out of the bathroom in his costume and let out a low whistle when he saw me in mine. Not gonna lie...I had cleavage cinched within an inch of it's life in a black corset set off by black angel wings a ripped apart skirt and knee high black boots. It was a nice costume. What floored me was when he removed his shirt to show me his tattoo on his left arm. It was an angel in black ink. He said he was lucky to walk into a Ball with an angel on each arm. I melted.
   Our first date lasted 5 days and we've been together ever since. I didn't doubt then, and I don't doubt now, that the fates stepped in when I refused to cooperate.  And I'm forever glad they did.

childs play...

   I realized in my last blog that I eluded to a situation that really does need explaining.  The life changing occurrence I had at thirteen. I was saving this for my next book, but truth is, it may help someone now so I  will share.
   Adolescence is tough enough. There's pimples and fighting over boys. Fear of being considered fat or ugly. Bad grades and periods. Well, that last one is just for us gals...but you get the picture. Anyway...all of these teen angst are bad enough. They need little help in making your life miserable. Now...imagine all of that...then add being a freak on top if it.
   Yes...I said freak. I didn't stutter.  Lol.
   To be fair, I hadn't applied that title to myself. That was done by others. It all started that fateful night when the seven of us decided to "get all spiritual ". It started with a cemetery walk after dark. I was able to keep most of my feelings about that under raps. The fact that I  could hear the spirits. I played along with what my friends said they were "hearing". I didn't dare say...."that's not what he said!". I knew better, even then.
   After that we went back to my friends house and did the whole "light as a feather/stiff as a board thing", which works.  Don't laugh...it's true. We were having a good time till one of the girls said we should try to put eachother in trances. luckily (not) I was to go first. I sat down, Indian style, with one of the girls facing me.
   That is the last thing I remember.  The next thing I knew I saw my friends pouring ice water over the head of the girl who was facing me, as two of the others took turns slapping me. The girl across from me was having a seizure. The first and only one in her life, I later found out.
   Everybody was looking at me so strangely.  I didn't understand what was happening.  They told me that from the moment we sat down, we never broke eye contact. They said I didn't blink. That my friend couldn't look away from me and that she started shaking till she seized fully.
   She's the one who didn't speak to me for almost 5 years after.
   So you see? Teen years suck.

The really sucky part of it...

   I debated on writing about this but the need to help others from my own experience won out over reliving bad memories.
   For the longest time, the majority of my childhood, I  hated the gift I have been given. It made my early years extremely uncomfortable for me. I know now I'm not alone in this, but I worry about those who are younger than I. Those who carry the burden of feeling like they never belong.
   You see...that's the hardest thing to deal with when you can see, hear and feel things others can't. When you know things they don't want you to know. When you're older, you can gage how much information society can deal with. By society  I mean family, friends, classmates and the like. When you're young you believe everybody can do the things you do, so you talk about it...too much. So much so that you don't see, at first, the look that starts like a shadow over peoples faces. The wariness in their eyes that is the beginning of fear. You don't hear the whispers.  When you finally do see and hear all this, it is heartbreaking.  This magical world gets overshadowed by embarrassment and feelings of self-loathing for being different.
   My awakening to the darker side of how these gifts could be perceived came at the most vulnerable time in a young girls life. I had known, already, that I had to keep most of it a secret. I learned that very early on, but even then I had thought there would be exceptions. That, knowing and seeing everything I did, there would be atleast some people I could share it with. Unfortunately I picked the absolute wrong time to try this. Not the wrong people, just the wrong time. 13 is definitely not the age a young woman needs to be when she decides to share her secret with others. She especially doesn't need to do it with 6 other 13 yr olds on Halloween.  It was a recipe for disaster.  I ended up scaring the hell out of my friends, one of which that ended up not speaking to me for years after. I can't explain how damaging this was for me. It took years to finally get over the feeling that I was somehow damned. When I finally did,  I was so desperate for acceptance that I trusted the wrong people and got hurt again.
   Funny thing, though, I wouldn't change a bit of it. It was all a learning experience that has better equipped me to help those who need it. I've become accustomed to being the "odd duck". I value my "loner status ". I've had people that have shunned me out of fear. I've been used for my abilities then been told I'm going to hell because I have them. Such is the way of things. If I am to give any advice to those just awakening to their abilities,  it is this.
   Stay true to yourself.  You need not seek acceptance from anyone. You are as you are meant to be...and you are the more beautiful for it. That having been said...you are also no better than anyone else, gift or not. This part I've always known, but jealousy is everpresent in this field.  Flattery is the twin sister to envy. Don't give in to it. I've seen good people fall prey to this.
   Just food for thought....

Knowing your spirit animal.

   If you had asked me 20 years ago if I knew what my spirit animal is, I wouldn't have had a clue. It took one instance to change my mind on that. Only one.
   You see, I had only recently decided to finally accept myself. Only recently decided to embrace the difference in me that I did not see in many others.
   I went with a friend to a Pagan retreat for the weekend. I had never even considered doing this before, but I was intrigued at the idea. I was so thirsty for any type of approval or guidance. I needed it. I wasn't disappointed.
  While I believe in Jesus, I also accept others beliefs. Others chosen path. We all have much to learn from eachother.
   It was a beautiful campsite.  While thunderstorms roared all around us, not one drop landed in our chosen location. Their were lunar moths the size of my palm and two twin tail comets crossed the sky during our drum circle.  This was also the weekend I discovered my ability to contact my "lighthouse man". He helps during meditation. I will discuss him later. :)
   Anyway...after an absolutely joyous and peaceful weekend,  I came back home and was on my way to get my son when I stopped at McDonald's.  As I pulled into the drive through I saw a wolf, maybe a hybrid but mostly wolf, sitting in front of me. He just stared. People coming out of the restaurant gave him a wide berth but I wasn't scared. I smiled at him thinking, maybe I should get him some food.  I pulled up and gave them my order. No sooner did I pull up to pay did I realize I forgot to order his food.  I was so upset about it but I still didn't ask them to add it as I paid. When I pulled away, after getting my change, I realized what had happened.  Without me even asking, or paying, they had doubled my order. My wolf was going to get his meal.
   I pulled back around to the other side of the restaurant and there he sat. Waiting patiently.  Passersby looked strangely at us as I fed him, but I did not care.
   When I was finished I pulled out of the lot and my cellphone rang. It was the gal I went on the retreat with. She was letting me know that the same group was doing a workshop on spirit animals and wanted to know if I could go. I told her what happened and said there was no need. I already knew.

Time lost....again....

   So...here's another instance where time slipped away from me. This was my third (I think) trip to New Orleans.  I was with a different group of people this time. It was my 37th birthday...many moons ago! Lol. It was our second day there and we were visiting some of the local shops. I'm always looking for new tarot cards, oils snd such and the voodoo shops there have a wonderful selection.  We had just walked into one of them when I felt the weight of a 200lb man on my shoulders.  I can't explain quite how that feels to anyone except to say it's suffocating.  I remember stumbling out of the shop and placing my hand against its wall for support.  That's pretty much where it all goes blank.  The next thing I know is I'm laying on my back, knees bent, blocks away on the stoop of Jacque St. Germaines house.
   According to the girls with me, after I walked outside the shop, I got a dazed look on my face. I appeared to not even know who they were.  They said I  "took off" running, never looking back.  When they caught up to me I was trying to break into the house. When I couldn't get the front door or windows open, I went to the side door.  My friend,  Jana, kept calling my name and said I looked at her like a stranger. When I had no luck getting in, they said I went to the stoop (porch), lay down and closed my eyes.
   That's how I woke up. I have no memory of this. It was daylight.....and yes, I was sober.

Time lost...

   I've went over these instances time and again in my head...the lost time I've experienced.  It is pretty hard to explain to people how something like this can make you feel. The total absence of memory and the complete trust you have to have in the people around you when it happens.

   I've experienced this three times in my life...all of which happened in New Orleans.  And before anyone asks....yes, I was completely sober. Lol. I'll give the first instance now...then decide how much I care to divulge in a later blog. 

   It was my first trip to NOLA. I had been dreaming of it for months! The gals and I had a blast but one thing was missing.  I had not yet been to Marie Laveaus tomb. We had just finished breakfast at a place called Mothers and were standing outside...and that's where my memory goes kapluey. 

   The next thing I know is I'm standing in front of her tomb...about 18 blocks away from where I just was. My friends with me said my face went blank and theb I took off at a dead run. They said I weaved in and out of traffic and alleyways, but never stopped. They caught up with me just outside St. Louise #1. They said I didn't even look at them. I just held my hand up, said "just a minute" and walked into the cemetery straight to her tomb. 

   Weird,  huh?

The truth behind the paranormal...

   This has been an ongoing topic of conversation amongst my twitter followers and those I'm following. One that, I feel, is an important one. One that needs to happen just so the air can be cleared once and for all. So...here it goes...
   Yes....there ARE people out there who ghost hunt, play the psychic, do tarot readings and, in general, claim to have abilities or evidence regarding the paranormal field simply for  their own self-advancement or public praise. This is true. I've seen it. I've been the victim of it. However....
   There are just as many, if not more, who do it simply for the love of it. They do it to help others. To bring closure to families.  To seek knowledge, in an otherwise unknown field, to share with others. This can be entertaining,  yes...but that doesn't mean it's meant for entertaining purposes. Most folks wouldn't dish out the major cost for equipment, and it can be major, just so others can oooh and ahhh.
   True...people CAN and DO fake evidence. That is their shame and it shouldn't cast a shadow over everyone else.  This is a field that requires alot of faith and trust, and there will ALWAYS be people who abuse that. I don't see that changing any time in the near future. That being said, I CHOOSE to believe that the people who are out there, spending their own money and taking time away from their families,  are doing it for the greater good.  But that's just me.
   Oh...and before anyone has a good chuckle over my naivety,  I've been burned by the very people I defend. As a remote viewer and medium, I have been taken on location by Animal Planet for the show "The Haunted" and even though it was my reading and automatic drawings that were used, the head of our team cut me out of the show and took credit. I found out the night it aired...in front of everyone.  Still....I hold no ill will. Nor do I believe everyone out there is that way.  We tend to look for faults in others that we really carry within ourselves. I choose to not do that and try to believe that others feel the same.

It Is What It Is...

   After seeing post on twitter today, I  felt the need to chime in. Being a part of the paranormal field you get used to being giggled at by those who see only the mudane part of life and not the spiritual part of death. You can get used to that. You can even understand it. This life is not for everyone.
   However.....
   What is unbelievably hard to get used to are those who are part of the field as well but have extreme difficulty playing nice with others. To put it plain and simple....what works for one team may not work for another.  There is no need to pick apart anothers evidence simply because you haven't had any luck using the same thing. Any team that sets out to belittle another group, or to make them look inferior, not only damages the field as a whole, but cast shadows over themselves.
   We are all in this to learn from eachother and from the spirits that allow us knowledge of them. I have already learned alot from the people I have "met" on twitter. They are a fine group of people who seem to really care about the field and what we can all learn from it. When I see one of them post about evidence or excitement about a case, I chime in if I have something positive to say or add. If I don't,  I do what my momma told me....I keep my damn mouth shut.
   Anyway....as the title says...it is what it is. To those whom have allowed me to be a small part of any conversations concerning ghost and the paranormal,  I thank you!  To those who simply wish to start a pissing contest...step to the right. There's no room in this sandbox.