I've wondered, lately, how many of us have had "visitations" during sleep that we carry with us through the day? Something that feels far more real than a dream. Something that molds us for hours, if not days, to come. I've had these experiences for a while now and am beginning to wonder what it all means.
I can't speak, yet, of everything that has happened but I will share what I can. I was able to put more pieces of the puzzle together today, with a friend, and I came to realize this has been going on longer than I thought. What started out as a faceless person ages ago has evolved into my enemy showing me their face and daring me to fight them.
That's right...my enemy. Spiritually and emotionally. The faceless tormenter of my youth has watched me grow. Has seen my failings and my fears. Has mocked me and taken joy in my cowardice.
Now that's changed. Over the last year I have begun to accept myself. I've grabbed life by the balls and gave it a tug. Damn straight...I showed it who's boss. I'm no longer a weakling who hides in the shadows. A girl afraid of her own power. No sir...I own that shit now.
And so he changed. He showed his true self. A gentle older man, at first. Curious of me...but only watched from a distance. He came to a friend through a reading. Spouting words of concern and fatherly love. Then he attacked, this foe of mine, when I was most vulnerable.... Sleep. Damn him for that. There are others, too, he wishes to harm...but this I will keep to myself. They know...you shall not.
I beat him once and I will again, now that things have become much more clear to me. I've finally learned that true courage has little to do with how tough you are. It really doesn't. Courage is facing your enemy and saying, "you might kill me...but I'm going to make it the worst experience you've ever had."
That's how I'm looking at this from now on. In life or death. In dreams or awake. Past or future foe. True...they might beat me...but they sure as hell ain't gonna enjoy it.
Blessed Be )O(
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