Personally Paranormal...

   I've been asked many times why I am single. Now...don't get me wrong. I'm not saying, or even implying, that I am some great catch. Not by a long shot. I don't even think those who ask me think that, honestly. But I've given the question a lot of thought. My friend Jana, and I, talked about it at great length on the way home from New Orleans. So much so that I think I finally have a pretty good answer to satisfy the masses.

   I'm tired of being a disappointment. Plain and simple. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a bad person. I'm not a big drinker. I don't do drugs. I'm a hard worker....sometimes too hard. It isn't these things that make me say what I just said. It's something much more complicated. It's me as a person. It's what I do and who I am. It's the fact that, at any moment I may have to dive into a personal reading or help out a team on the other side of the country...or world. It's my writing. Both the blog and my books keep me pecking away at the computer when I have a free moment or two. It's my love of travel and the need to see, and do, as much as possible before I take my last breath. The long and short of it is that June Cleaver I am not. Never will be. I've tried on the costume and it just looks goofy on me. Unfortunately that is what most men are looking for. Someone to take care of them. I understand that and don't begrudge anyone that kind of life.

   But that's not me. Never will be. And I don't expect Ward to show up at my doorstep and let me stay home from work so I can bake cookies for the "Beav", either. I can write, bake cookies, and do a reading pretty much at the same time. I'm gifted like that. A multi-tasker to the extreme. A quality some have found endearing, in the beginning, only to resent in the future.

   That is the part I've never understood. It may sound like I'm a man hater...but I'm not. Far from it. Truth is, I love men. I find them fascinating. Uber masculine, ultra sensitive, witty and intelligent. To me there is no better combination. Nothing is sexier than a man chasing his dreams and sharing those dreams with the woman he loves. My road block is that it's always been a one way street. My dreams ceased to exist in my partners eyes. My drive, my determination, my total lack of self pity or willingness to give up becomes a threat. I don't know why, but it's the truth. So I have accepted it. If someone ever crosses my path who is not threatened by success, however minimal, or my ambition, however great, I will gladly jump aboard that crazy train with them and cheer them on the whole way as they pursue what they love. But I expect the same in return. I refuse to travel on one way streets anymore.

   I did not choose this life..the paranormal life...it chose me. The times I've tried to deny it I've felt myself die, a little at a time, inside. I won't do that to myself anymore. If someone can't handle my witchy, conversationalist of the deceased, spell casting, know what I shouldn't, free thinking, goal oriented self then the loss is theirs. Not mine.

   I hope that sums it up. It may sound a bit bitchy but that dims a bit as you realize I think ALL people should feel this way. Men and women, alike. No one should ever have to water themselves down for love. Food for thought, peeps...

   Blessed Be )O(